Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
