I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
