I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
