I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
