So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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