So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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