I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
