Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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