the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize