better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The air was thick with penises
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
