Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
