I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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