I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
