just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My vagina is officially offended.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
