She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
