If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
