I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We left the knife in your bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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