i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
