Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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