i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize