i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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