we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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