I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
