I am puke
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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