were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
