Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
