you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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