I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
