im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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