i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
