I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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