I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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