The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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