This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
