do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
