Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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