so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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