You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
