I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
