just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
