It's like God shit irony all over that family
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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