it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
