I just cut my nipple shaving
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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