I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
