; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
