The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
