I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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