May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
