It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
