How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
