Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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