you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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