no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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