I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
