I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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