I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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