The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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