My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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