Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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