Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize