Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
