Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize