i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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