He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
