I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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