a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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