Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize