i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
