hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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