The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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