She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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