Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
